You’ve Got a Friend

Listening to the great Carole King record got me thinking about the difficult relationship that leaders have with friendship.

Many leaders have a deep desire to be friends with their work colleagues or to work with their friends. It isnt impossible, but it is very difficult. It is a difficult, some might say impossibly thin line to walk.

One of the differences between a manager and a leader is that a leader’s job is about leading people somewhere different. If the desire is to preserve the status quo, it is a manager that we need rather than a leader.

The problem with leading is that it requires change, and wherever there is change there will be resistance, by some people to some degree. The required skillset of a leader is to lead positive change for positive results in performance and that takes courage and resilience. If the desire to be friends is too great there can and will be a conflict and sometimes for positive change to win, friendship has to lose.

Being friendly, however, is different. Being friendly describes an attitude towards people. It is a style, a way of behaving. I would recommend being friendly but not necessarily being friends with. Are you clear on the distinction?

So the questions for this week are;

• On a scale of 0 to 10 how important is being friends with your team?
• On the same scale, to what degree does friendship feature in your decision making?
• Does this desire ever lead you to compromise the quality of your decision making?
• Would being friendly suit your cause better than being friends?
• What is your first action?

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